Reviewing the Reviewers: Or, Why Most Erotica Writers Suck

I was thoroughly violated by Amazon in June; almost all of my books were blocked. I got them put back up, but the problem of course is that I lost most of my reviews.

Now I’ve never gotten a lot of reviews — probably because, unlike most Amazon authors, I don’t pay for them — but my reviews were previously mostly good.

At the moment however, pretty much the only reviews I have are bad.

The problem is that most of the people who leave reviews on Amazon are people who love the kind of writing I hate. Flowery, over-written, full of the cliches of the genre.

On the Amazon UK site, someone criticized THREE DAYS A SLAVE as “Poorly written and trashy.” I checked out a book that the critic gave 5 stars to, a lengthy historical fantasy romance, and I about wanted to vomit. The first paragraph consisted of six long sentences, all of which stated in different ways that the Queen was sitting looking out the window.

That’s one of the problems with modern romances. They always start with the backstory and spend ten chapters getting to the good stuff. It’s just as easy to begin “Karin took off her panties and stepped into the room”, and then explain who Karin is, as it is to begin with twenty chapters explaining who Karin is.

Here are some things you are never going to read in a book by Natasha Stevens:

  • Lengthy descriptions of the weather, architecture, or clothes.
  • Lengthy descriptions of shopping trips or meals
  • No Wikipedia-style paragraphs about the history of this or that city or country. (If you want to know more about Prague, for example, look it up yourself.)
  • Numerous rhetorical questions the narrator asks of herself, such as “how could I feel this way? How could my body betray me like this? How could I allow him to use me this way?”

I try to follow Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing (With the possible exception of the one about using adverbs. As he says, romances are full of “rape and adverbs.” It’s kind of our stock-in-trade.

One of my favorite reviews described THE HITMAN AND THE ESCORT as a “thriller with no filler” and I thought that was exactly what I was trying to do.

Anyway, THE HITMAN AND THE ESCORT will be available for free for the next five days:

hitmanandescortcomplete

Get it HERE on Amazon 

 

 

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One thought on “Reviewing the Reviewers: Or, Why Most Erotica Writers Suck

  1. I agree with your statements. Although some dialogue about the setting is necessary I too have seen supposed erotic books that you described. Might one reason is simply to increase the books word count?
    Glad to see you managed to get your books back up.
    Mac

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